I_AM_KV

Post-Halloween Recap

1st off sorry this is a week late. 2ND OFF: CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE! We kicked, I don’t even like saying it, Jesus-Ween’s ass! 

Just a brief recap of this appalling idea (Jesus-Ween) brought up to replace a sacred night for all of us on October 31st. The same day. Every year. That has never changed, for any reason, EVER. Anyway, if you want to celebrate this ‘new’ holiday replacement, you only have to change a few minor little details about your night. Lets begin guys.

First your gonna want to turn ON every light in your house, yes ON. Then turn every light outside your house ON, (make sure your getting the ON part). And if your feeling really jazzy, go buy and install as many as you like! (only white lights). After you’ve ruined the whole streets night, possibly the entire worlds, you’ve still gotta get a costume. This is the easy part right? Well yeah kinda. Your going to be dressing up like Jesus! Now I agree, I’m a fan of that costume selection, its funny and pretty ironic. But there’s a catch, this holiday only allows for white robes like his. No thorn crown, beard, wine, money, girls, etc. So no no no. You are not dressing like cool Jesus.

Nothing against Jesus, but we all know he’s too busy to worry about Halloween. Besides I think he would testify for Halloween. Who decided that ‘Hallo’ wasn’t good enough? Does Jesus want his name placed in front of ‘Ween’? An American alternative Rock Group formed in 1984 on the shores of PA?? No I think not. Are you guys Jesus? Stop using his name! I mean, take one ‘L’ out, and you have ‘HALO’. Catch my drift Bible Belt? No? Let me explain.

Originally the ‘Hallo’ in Halloween actually was derived from the Greek word ‘Halo’ pronounced (hay-low), which means the gold magical ring around a divine entity’s head (Angel). So just claim Halo-ween as yours, and we will keep doing what we have our entire lives. Problem solved. Your welcome.

TRIVIA: Does ANYONE even REALIZE WHY we dress up and get CANDY in the FIRST PLACE!? Answer is below this ‘Jesus-Ween’ promo. (disgusting). 

Answer: People who owned property would bribe kids or pranksters with candy to stay away from their house on that day. So beautiful.